Who would have thunk it???

I'm somewhat normal, in my thirties and have recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My blog won't be every ones cup of tea as I am dealing with this with my usual fairly inappropriate sense of humour.  The name of the blog should have made that fairly clear... Unless you are looking for an amputee fetish site, by which case you will be pretty disappointed with the rest of this blog.

I'm that person that you know, that bizarre things happen to on a regular basis. As my best friend says "I only believe it because I'm there when it happens. It's always happening to you!?"

I am certainly no author, typist or speller and the discovery that there is such a thing as 'chemo-brain', is all part of my total disclosure. Insomnia is also my new friend, hence the blog. Oh and people keep on telling me I should be writing all this down. Apparently my Twitter and Facebook updates have been surprising to you all.

Well how did it start?

I was just happily skipping along in life. I had a new job that I adored, I had just lost 35kgs (more on that later), was happily dating a bevvy of boys after having my heart ripped out of my chest the year before (probably not more about that later), I had a great house in a funky suburb in Melbourne, amazing family and friends and a social life that I lived at a cracking pace. Life was bloody good.

I had put on a TONNE of weight and had been working like a demon to loose it, and I was going along well with that. As I had rather large boobies (yes that is the technical term) for the first time ever the bloody things were sagging like nobodies business and I HATED the way they were looking. I was spending a LOT of time bitching about what shape they were and how I was planning on a boob job. So as I am/was the girl that always wore her top undone to her navel. My theory being that if the boys were looking at my boobs, they weren't looking at the size of my arse. A theory that I had proven time and time again over the years...

So here I was on a Friday afternoon, I had finished work early and had made myself an appointment at a local tattoo parlour to have my nipple pierced. I must add that I had had my nipple (discreetly) pierced for years and years and now because my boobs were so viley sagging the nipple bar was pointing on an odd angle I wanted it re-pierced to try and vaguely make it look more symmetric.

I bounced along, with a smirk on my face (I don't look like someone that would have a piercing) into said tattoo parlour and proudly presented my nipple to Paul-The-Piercer. He took one look at it and said "Ummmm, lady, I don't want to alarm you but I can't pierce that. You need to go and see a Doctor straight away. You've got something REALLY wrong with your boob". I was like "no shit sherlock, I know I have something wrong with my boobs THEY SAG!!!" He said" That's not it, you look like you have some really big lumps".

I tried to negotiate with him, but on this day my somewhat epic negotiating skills let me down and he just refused point blank to do it. Paul was  the first person on this journey to help save my life. Dramatic? Sure, but true.

So I went outside and phoned #1 Sister (#1 of 3) and pissing myself with laughter told her that the piercer refused to re-pierce my nipple. I bitched that CLEARLY even he thought they were too ugly to bother piercing. I told her what he said. She asked when I was going to go to the Doctors and I said I wasn't. I said that I think I would know if I had a lump in my breast. #1 Sister lives in another city and 15 minutes later called me back to tell me that she had made me an appointment down the road and I had 10 minutes to get there. Frankly, I wasn't that interested but I was actually driving down the road that the clinic was in. If you know my #1 Sister you will appreciate that I figured it was easier just to go rather than have her banging on about it for months until I did it.

It was 4pm and by 6pm I was being told that I had advanced Breast Cancer.

BOOM

No warning

No negotiating

The night before I had been indulging in an 8 course degustation meal with matching wines. The weekend before I had shagged a new guy.

WHAT THE HELL??